Baptised in Fire and Ice

OK, before you read this, I have a small favour to ask of you. If you read this entry, please leave a comment. You can write anything, all I want to know is who is reading this shit. You don't even need to sign up for a Google account or anything, you don't even need to be known, just a small favour to me. A small thing, since I am keeping you entertained for free with this thing...

Last week I was talking to Bjarki about films, he said that Braveheart was one of his favourite movies, which led me onto an hour long rant about how bad Mel Gibson was. And Braveheart in particular. I mean, it's not just that it's historically inaccurate, but the plot it completely implausible. I'm not going to go into it this too much, but he says he'll never forget his wife's memory after she is killed, but promptly jumps on the first French Bint who happens to open her garlic encrusted legs. Way to go to remember your wife, William... This is just one in a long list of bullcrap that pervades this film and I don't want to go into it right now. The one Mel Gibson film I did like was Passion of the Jebus, but I do like a good comedy.

I digress. After my rant, Lilja and Davið started talking about getting Mel Gibson to star in a movie about the Cod Wars (for those of you that don't know, the Cod War was three real wars between Iceland and Britain beginning in 1958 and finally finishing in 1976. It was over fishing rights and fish are about the only thing to get Icelanders excited enough to go to war over. Iceland won, if you were wondering.). I got more of the plot out of Lilja today.

There will be three films, a trilogy, if you will. Lilja has only fleshed out the plot of the first movie. Gibson will play an Icelandic Fisherman, who lives peacefully enough (She told me his name, but being unable to even say the fucking thing, the chance of me writing it down is minimal, it translated as 'Thor Cattle') with his family, doing what fishermen do. One day whilst he is out at sea catching Cod and wearing an Icelandic jumper, the dreaded English fleet appears on the horizon and makes for shore. King Elizabeth of England has dispatched the Royal Navy to Iceland to capture one of the famously beautiful women for use as his sex slave. I should interject at this stage and tell you that the English have the appearance of Orcs (Now, everyone must have seen Lord of the Rings, so I don't need to explain what an Orc is...). Picture the scene: an English Sail ship decked out in Black, with Orcs and Goblins running wild all over the decks and rigging. Fighting and vomiting everywhere, this is the English Navy. They land the ship and pile ashore, who's farmhouse do you think is in their path? Yep, it's poor brave fisherman Mel. His wife is well known to be the most beautiful of the beautiful women of Iceland, so who becomes a prime English target? Yep, it's poor brave fisherman Mel's wife... The English lay waste to the farmhouse, kill all six of poor brave fisherman Mel's children (krakki, as they are known in Icelandic...) and capture his wife. Tying her to the mast the English fleet sets sail back home with their prize for King Elizabeth of England. Mel returns laden with Cod for his wife and children and discovers the English War Crime, he flies into a rage and goes to Reykjavik to raise an army of Fishermen to attack England in their fishing boats. They ram the coast of England (the ramming is probably the only accurate bit in the plot, but it was ramming English Navy Frigates in the real war, but when has historical accuracy ever stopped Mel before? The Patriot anyone?) and manage to sink Wales. The Icelandic army of blond haired, blue eyed, Six foot six giants led by poor brave, four foot three, brown haired, brown eyed Fisherman Mel Gibson storm Old London Town and head straight for Buckingham Palace where Poor Brave Fisherman Mel's wife is being held. Thankfully King Elizabeth of England hasn't had his wicked way with her yet and Mel defeats the giant King of England (think of the cave troll in LOTR...) and returns triumphant to Iceland, where the Icelanders are free to continue fishing as long as it's within their 200 nautical miles Exclusive Economic Zone which became recognized internationally on November 14, 1994, after having been agreed at the conference on the Third United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea in 1982.

That was the basic plot for the first film, there are two more to come...

I asked Roz if she was enjoying her job the other day, I think she was in bad mood as she said she'd rather be raped by a shit smeared imbecile than do archaeology.

Atli Quotes: on the unspoken war between Britain and Iceland over the money crisis; 'Do you know how during the Iraq war, when the Americans changed the name of French Fries to Freedom Fries, we [Iceland] have changed the name of a 'Full English Breakfast' to 'Shithead Disgusting Breakfast'

Now, it's over to you. Leave a comment if you got this far...