T.I.A. Baby!! Pt4

Finally the last part of TIA Baby!! Craig and I left the warm bosom of Barberton and flew to Johannesburg, back to Vivian and Derek’s place. We only had a couple of days left in South Africa and with nearly a week of inertia behind us we were determined to do some tourist shit! The first stop was the Apartheid museum. Which is where Apartheid belongs. The museum had a quite confusing path to follow, but was packed with information and brilliant footage of the times. I could have easily spent another few hours in there. The building stands a as a testament to a time when something as innocuous as a park bench can be used in such an offensive manner.

Bleurghhhhhh!!

After the museum, Derek, Vivian, Craig and I went on a tour of Soweto. The tour was taken by a funny guide in his taxi bus. He showed us the highlights, including Nelson and Winnie Mandela’s houses and Archbishop Tutu’s gaff. We drove past the open space where Hector Pieterson’s memorial is and saw his sister giving a talk about the incident. What luck! At another monument the local drunk/guide gave us a short tour, then played his flute through his nose. Bizarre. After a quick drive through downtown Johannesburg, where Derek tried to attract the attention of drug dealers, we arrived back home for dinner with Viv’s sister.

Stay in the car, lock the doors and close the windows, we're going in...

The following day was spent at Sterkfontein caves, where the earliest human relatives were found. The cradle of Humanity, if you will. The museum was good and the tour around the caves was interesting although lacked information. The tour guide Nola, Nolly or what ever her name was told us all humanity had originated in Africa. She asked who was on holiday and I put my hand up to which she said ‘welcome home!’ Thunderous laughter abounded. The marvels of Maropeng, which was basically a dumbed down museum for retarded children, consisted of the water ride, which we screamed all the way through and the revolving barrel room which made us feel sick.

Let me off! I’m going to throw up!

Help!! We’re stuck and my friend has drowned!

Craig and I headed out to the Lion Park where we saw a cheetah pace up and down in it’s cage out of boredom, a baby giraffe chewing a pole out of boredom, a meercat trying to look over it’s cage out of boredom and some lions sleeping, out of boredom.

If you let me out here, I’ll rip your fucking face off…

We did get to pet some baby lions, one of which had the same attitude as me when Craig shoved a camera in it’s face and took a swipe at him. I should have started doing that myself. The park had a small safari trail attached, but having seen the majesty of Kruger Park, this one seemed more like it was the size of Aberystwyth rather than Wales.

Meow

For my birthday treat the next day we called out to the South African National Museum of Millitary History, fucking brilliant. I saw an ME262, the only night fighter version left in the world, a load of great artillery pieces and an SE5A, something I never thought I’d see in my life. I was actually trying to get Craig to take photos of things for me, for reference, but he insisted I stood in front of everything I wanted a photo of. What is the use of that? I know what I look like, I want to see a real live SE5A, not some dumb bearded bloke mooning in front of it. I see myself everyday in the fucking mirror. Christ Craig, I’m interested in Military History, not Monkey History.

Just behind that big head is a very rare Aeroplane indeed

My birthday was finished off with a visit to Keith, Craig’s brother, and his cool and hospitable family, we talked into the night about bikes, music, travelling, and various other topics. A good end to a good day.

Which brought us to the final day where we met Barry, one of Craig’s dad’s comrades, again, very hospitable and full of funny stories from the Angolan Border Conflict. Like the time the Angolan forces over the river would mortar the SA positions on payday. The SA infantry got wise to it and dug an armoured car in the river bank to give them a surprise the next time they did it… Barry had built his own bar in his house, which was packed with militaria. What a man.

Barry; Gentleman, Soldier, Hero

So that’s it, this brings me to the end of the South African adventure. I had a blast, mostly thanks to my travelling companions. South Africa is somewhere I never thought I’d go, nor really had the inclination to visit before the opportunity arose, but I’m glad it did. The diversity of the country was staggering. The size of the place is unfathomable. The generosity and kindness of the people is almost unparalleled (more of this in the Italian blogs…) and over all I would urge anyone to take a trip down south!