The goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain!

I have been the victim of Debit Card fraud this week. I was visiting Ninjasaurus Rex this weekend when HSBC called me to let me know some fucker had been using my card details to buy Apple products, playing on Sun Bingo and booking a holiday for themselves in Romania. None of these transactions actually appeared on my statement and I was only aware of them when HSBC called me. I would like to thank HSBC for spotting this but it was rather marred by the fact that I ran out of telephone credit trying to call them back (and since HSBC had cancelled my card I was unable to top up my phone) and having one of their operators in Calcutta hang up on me. Third time lucky and I managed to get the shizzle sorted out. Another problem was that I had driven back to Rotherham with only a little fuel left in the car, thinking I'd fill up on the return journey. With my card now cancelled and only five pounds to my name, I had to go, begging bowl in hand to my folks and borrow some money off them. My new card will arrive in up to seven days, which is also a bit of a shitter as I am going to Hellfest on Wednesday for a week. I have a Credit Card, but don't know the PIN. The reason for this is because I didn't want to use it just to draw cash on, but only for transactions where I couldn't use my Debit Card, like flights and such. More fool me... So tomorrow I will have to go down to the bank, begging bowl in hand and hope they will give me some cash over the counter... It just goes to show how much we rely on cards and how fucked we'd be when the balloon finally goes up.

Is there anywhere around here I can get cash back?

I also received my CRB check this week, it proves what I'd suspected all along: I'm not a Paedophile. I need it for when I work back at Heslington in a couple of weeks showing some school kids the best way to trowel natural. The thing is with CRB checks is that they are a massive scam based on one single incident which means everyone has to suffer. They came about after the Ian Huntley Soham murders and just prove what a ridiculous situation we now live in. One areshole slipped through the net and killed two kids and now everyone dealing with children is suspect until proven innocent. Never mind the fact that adults have been working with kids as teachers and such for hundreds of years and horrific incidents like the Soham tragedy are thankfully incredibly rare, the government deem it fit to assume everyone has the mind of Huntley. This makes it more difficult for men in particular, given the amount of media hysteria given over to 'Paedophiles lurking round every corner' we have reached a point where it feels wrong as an adult to be even talking to kids. I love kids, I think they are hilarious, but I still feel uneasy about talking to them. This is not how things should be, kids shouldn't be shielded from interaction with adults and adults shouldn't feel as though they are suspect when chatting to young 'uns. Alright, we were brought up with the idea that you shouldn't talk to strangers, but the vast majority of adults are not attempting to entice children into cars to go and pat non-existent puppies in the woods. But the CRB check makes you feel as though this is how you are viewed from the ones that make the laws. I understand the importance of protecting kids but I can't see how the CRB check helps, all it does is check if you have convictions, if a paedophile has never been caught and convicted then it is fucking meaningless anyway. Also, as it stands, they don't carry over from job to job, every time you enter a new situation where children are involved you have to have a new check and pay for a new one again. The one I have only lasts or the week that I will be working with the kids. That means after that week I'll be suspect again unless I pay for a new check. Someone is making a lot of money out of this.

Keep quiet, keep printing out CRB checks and we'll soon have enough money to retire to Rio!