213th post end of year Hogmanay Spectacular in 3D! (selected areas)

Hoots Ma Boab and Jings! Welcome to the 213th Post end of Year Hogmanay Spectacular Post! Why 213th?  Why end of year? You ask? 213th because I missed the 200th posting and end of year because it's 31st of December, you dumb fucking twat. Do try to keep up. Anyway, I thought I'd take this chance to have a look at my readership, similar to as I did on the 100th posting. That means this is all about you, yes you! and you as well. That one at the back. OK, I asked a favour of you last time and I'll ask the same favour. When you've read this post please leave a comment. It only takes a second and I know I've installed anti spamming measures, but you know, I write this for free, for you. Go on, don't be a cunt.

Do as the monkey says...

So lets take a walk down Google Analytic lane and see how many folks have strolled this same way over the past year and a bit:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! Over 20,000 visits!! Who are you people? Where are you coming from? What the fuck is going on here!! OK, OK that's not the whole story, the actual visitor number is a bit lower, but it's still over 16,000 people:

The mind boggles with what people hope to find here. I only started writing this so Craig could read what I was up to in Iceland, what could people possibly want with this blog? Buts lets take a look at where they are coming from:

Good God! People from 144 countries have landed on my blog! About the only place people haven't come here from is China, mind you, my writings are probably banned along with everything else in the Internet universe by the Great Firewall of China. I've even had a reader in the Congo who decided to read at least two pages of this shit! Even someone in Greenland has read a portion of this blog. I didn't even know they had electricity in Greenland! Disappointingly North Korea hasn't sent anyone over to have a look. It's a bit of a shame that really, I've been reading a lot of books recently about North Korea and I would have thought they'd have repaid the compliment.

Go on Kim, you know you want to...

Well, let's turn our attention to how people are finding their way to these pages. As usual the search engine phrases that are used to get here show the best and worst of the people using the internetz... Well, some of it makes for depressing reading. Why someone is searching for the operating times of the Boston abattoir I will never know. Maybe it was their first day on the job and wanted to get to the pig sticking plant nice and early so as not to piss off their boss? Other interesting searches to note here are 'abattoir poker' and 'abbatoire [sic] avatar':

Woah. American Masturbators Society? I can't even find the words:

Who in their right mind is searching for Bin Hookers in Belfast? Are they searching for Nazi boots, or claiming that Boots the Chemist are Nazis? And what has that cunt Bono got to do with air raid shelters in Italy? My mind is literally blowing...

I seriously doubt someone was looking for a holiday cottage in Rotherham or Singapore. I just hope they don't go about their business dressed in a costume of Germany...

You think you've seen it all, but it just keeps coming. Like a torrent of madness. What kind of world do we live in when someone calls their son Somme? Hang on, what kind of world do we live in when people search for pictures of dog slaves eating shit? No wonder they're dole scum...

Hooray! I'm not the only one! Maybe we should start up some kind of Sweetcorn survivors group!

I can't Imagine there being any sex in Litchfield, never mind tantrid [sic] sex:

Pot Noodles on planes? Pot Noodle bnp? What flavour is that? Anti-immigrant?

What is it with the Internetz and Nazis:

And I couldn't leave this search engine search without a good bit of old fashioned abuse of your truly:

I think we've all seen enough? I certainly have. You lot scare the bejesus out of me. OK, today is New Years Eve, for most of you tonight is the night you all go out and stand six deep at a bar waiting for three hours to get served, just so the drinks can get sloshed over you as you make your way back through the crowded room to the corner you've managed to secure for yourself until the bells chime out twelve o'clock. Have a good one what ever you do, BUT DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT! See you in 2011 for more shit!