Horse Droppings

I was standing talking to Tab the Muffer on Tuesday afternoon when I got the following text of He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named...

Him: I got given a flyer for a student 'loveshack club night'. Do you think I should go? It's just that the flyer counts as an invitation, and it would be rude to turn it down.

Me: It sounds like fun, I would go if i were you. You may see some of your students there. Then at least you'd know someone.

Him: That's true, i could hang out with them the whole evening. It wouldn't be awkward because i already know them and we could talk about medieval things.

Me: Yeah, or you could break down their latest essay marks with them. You might even get a staff discount for the door entry.

Him: Yes I have some student supervisions coming up, i could schedule them for loveshack wednesday, i think that would be most convenient for all concerned.

Me: They'd probably love you for that. They'd know you were always thinking of their education.

Him: I think i will go along. I'll let you know how it goes.

It all went quiet until Wednesday 22:12

Him: Ok, i'm at loveshack night, i think i see some of my students, i'll go and say hello

Me: Yeah, Good luck! I'm sure they'll be really excited to see you.

Him: It's pretty crowded and noisy in here. I'm waving but don't seem to have noticed me yet. I'll see if i can get closer.

Me: Are they on the dancefloor?

Him: Yes i am trying to get to them. It's really hot in here, i shouldn't have brought my jacket and jumper. I get really irritated when it's too hot.

Me: Is there a cloakroom? Or is it expensive?

Him: I don't know, i was invited here, i didn't expect it to be so hot.  Just tried talking to one of my students but she walked away, it is quite dark, she probably didn't recognise me, she must just think i'm some random weirdo.

Me: Go and make sure she knows who you are. You're there for them, remember.

Him: Fucking shit this guy with her just punched me and gave me a nosebleed

Me: What the fuck? Do they know who you are?

Him: He's not one of mine, he might be her boyfriend. I've stopped the bleeding, it's ok, must just be a misunderstanding. I'll try again.

Me: Keep at it, they'll appreciate it.

Then nothing until Thursday morning 08:13

Him: I'm in a graveyard. I don't remember how I got here. And i'm wearing someone else's clothes and my wallet is missing

Me: OK first thing to do is not to panic.

Him: How am i not supposed to panic, i'm giving a lecture in half an hour, i don't even know where i am and i feel sick

Me: Can you call in sick? Surely there must be a sign near the graveyard?

Him: Right i've found my way to the lecture theatre but there's like only three students here, and one of them is crying.

Me: At least they showed up. Do you recognise any of them from last night?

Him: Hard to say, i don't remember much of it and they are all avoiding eye contact. Guess i'll give my lecture anyway, we'll see how it goes.

Me: Are you still wearing someone else's clothes? That might be it.

Him: I vomited on the slide projector and a couple of students. The head of dept wants to see me.

Me: it might have been a bad idea to go last night.