1st Birthday 100th Posting Special in HD (Selected Areas Only)

Good Evening and welcome to this the 100th edition of this blog. Not only do we have that milestone, but it is exactly a year since I started writing this rubbish. So because it is worthy of a double celebration what I'd thought I'd do was, rather than spewing shit out about what I've been up to since the last posting (mainly shouting at Tim, if you were wondering...), I'm going to take stock of the last years postings and have a look at you. Yes you. The reader. You over there. Stand up, come on, let's have a look at you. You can wipe that smile off your face as well.

Stand up and be counted my adoring readers!

I've asked this before and I'm going to ask it again. I would like it, if you get the end of this post, that you could leave me a comment. You can leave it anonymously if you like, but I'd rather know the names of my readers. I have stalker software installed on this blog anyway so I know how many people are visiting it. Do me a favour. I write this for free and you read it, so do something for me. Thanks.

This blog started with Craig asking me to write about my time in Iceland and since it's start up to today I have had 2,114 unique visitors. Now, far be it for me to say that each one has returned to read more, but I'm sure some of those people have. The other none-returners have probably seen the subject matter is mainly archaeology and fled in terror. Like any right-minded person would... Be that as it may, lets have a look at the kind of people who are coming across this blog. A large portion of you are coming through Facebook; actually 38.88% are using the social networking site to get here, so that means that you know me personally. I only add people on Facebook whom I have met face to face, except for a couple of exceptions, so you know me and I know you. Actually this isn't a surprise as I update my status on Facebook with the new postings. It's the only thing that Facebook is useful for. I am actually only on Facebook because of a woman I knew, who has now deleted me as a 'friend', invited me to join it and now, like a mobile phone, it's impossible to get rid of (Facebook, not the woman...). Enough of my personal life, let's get to analyzing the people who are literally queuing up to get into this blog...

'So what's all the fuss about this here blog then?'
'Well I heard it was a witty look at the world of archaeology'
'Really? Archaeology? What the fuck have I been doing wasting my time waiting here for? I'm off to read something far more funny like Metal Inquisition!'

The more 'interesting' people are dropping in from Search Engines. Obviously the largest amounts of hits I am getting are coming through the keyword search ' In Girum Imus Nocte et Consumimur Igni'. Again, pretty obvious, as are the keyword searches 'alex sotheran', ' alexsotheran iceland', 'alex sotheran york' and 'alex sotheran blogspot' (all of which are in the top ten of the most searched for phrase). But these searches are far more 'me' specific and whoever is doing it knows who they are and what (or who) they are after. Now, I'm not trying to say you're stalking me or anything, but I'm on to you...

Is this you? Are you stalking me?

These stalker weirdos are not the only ones dropping on this blog, there are some decidedly odd people searching the Internet. I mean, really, who types 'i want to teach zulu kids something about metals you idiots' into a search engine and expects to get a decent result? It's really there, in at number 94:

alexsotheran.blogspot.com: Proudly helping teach Zulu kids about Metals since 2008

Even stranger, my records read that somebody did a search for 'indin big ticky' and found my blog. Whatever an indin big ticky is, they were obviously unsatisfied with the results they went back and further refined their search to 'indin big ticky womens sex'. Mind you, this yielded the same results and they were equally unimpressed as they didn't stay long according to the time of visit result.

I want indin big ticky and I want it now!

Even further out on the edge of human society are the people that found my blog with the following searches: 'clowns fucking', 'women fucking clowns', 'grandfather shagging' and far more specific and ominous, 'russian father fucking son'. I don't remember that particular patriarchal incestuous pederast posting that I wrote, but I hope they enjoyed it.

What someone was searching for, but not what they got...

OK, lets turn our attention to where you folks are all coming from. This truly is a global affair and the stalker software tells me that people in 69 separate countries have visited my blog:

The level of green shows how bored by my blog people are...

Given that there are considered to be 195 countries in the world at the moment, I have been visited by someone in 35% of the world. The UK is obviously the top one here, closely followed by the USA and Iceland. In Ireland, Canada and Italy I also seem to have a following. There is a lot of hits from Germany, but that is because it is currently the lair of Herr Docktor Clay, my Nemesis. None of these are surprising as I know someone living in each of the afore mentioned countries, but places like Hong Kong, the Philippines, Ecuador, the Faeroe Islands, Japan, Venezuela, Macau SAR China and a whole rake of other places leave me stumped to who is actually reading this. Do I know you, or am I being monitored by Venezuelan Death Squads in case I say something untoward about Chavez? If it's you, please let me know by leaving a comment below. Something I find difficult to picture is a group of peasants sitting on an collectivised farm in Novosibirsk the middle of Russia reading my blog, but according to my records it appears to have happened, at least once...

Sergei! come quick! There's a new post about how Tim has fucked up another register! ЛОЛ!

I don't think there's much more I can say about my blog visitors (except you must be crazy to keep coming back to read this shit...) so I've come to the end of my navel gazing (thank God, I hear you collectively sigh...), thanks for getting this far. For once this post was about you and not me so I will again ask you to leave a comment, anything, even if just to slag what you just read. Let me know you are here and reading...