To the Lifeboats!!

To be honest not much of any real interest has occurred since the last posting. Wincey has not been on site all week as he's writing a report at home, this still didn't stop him driving all the way across York in Monday morning rush hour traffic to tell me that we would only need one pump as there was only three of us on site. As though I couldn't count for myself. I've organised sites with up to sixty students on them, I don't think working out what three people have to do for a day is going to be much of a problem... But still he felt the need to take nearly two hours to get to us and then get back home to point out the pointless. Apart from that minor infraction we have had a pretty blissful week of it. So with the lack of humorous tales I will have turn to my text messages again. I received a set of texts from the good Herr Docktor starting at about nine o'clock on Tuesday. I guarantee that every one of these is genuine and are still on my phone. I just hope Interpol are not monitoring my text conversations.

For a joke this morning i'm going to phone every primary school in d***** and tell them there's a bomb somewhere in the building
23 Nov 2010 09:02

At this point I told him not to and mentioned the fact that North Korea were rattling sabers by dopping artillery shells on civilians. This just drew out the racist in him.

That's a coincidence, i was actually going to put on a chinky accent when i phoned the schools, now i can tie it into the korea thing to make it more convincing, i'll say i'm calling from pyonyang
23 Nov 2010 09:35

I did the calls now there are lots of police outside my house, what should i do
23 Nov 2010 12:01

I'm hiding in my bathroom with a box of pork scratchings, they keep shouting they're going to bash in my front door
23 Nov 2010 16:33

I told them i had the whole house rigged to explode, that made them think twice about bashing my door in! Maybe they'll be gone in the morning, i'm going to sleep in the bathtub now, good night
23 Nov 2010 21:24

I've been very clever, sometimes i use a chinky voice, sometimes i use my normal voice so they think there's two people in the house and the chinky is holding the other one hostage. I ran out of pork scratchings though, not sure what i'll eat tomorrow.
23 Nov 2010 22:23

I told him I thought that was a good idea, using two different voices. It would confuse matters. Despite being racist.

Yes i could say the chinky shot himself and i burned the body in the bath and washed it down the plughole which is why nothing is left. Then i'd be the hero.
23 Nov 2010 22:30

There's a helicopter outside and police so i cut off my own finger and pushed it out through the letterbox, not sure why i did that, i think i panicked, it really hurts, there's blood all over my phone
24 Nov 2010 07:56

I'm feeling faint alex, there's all these guys standing around me shouting and pointing lights but i don't know if they're real or not
24 Nov 2010 09:35

Yes i'll fall asleep and they'll probably forget about me
24 Nov 2010 09:47

That was the last message I got from him until he texted me telling me he was going to make it clear to all his students that if they joined the anti-cuts demos he would automatically fail them. This is exactly the kind of shit I have to put up on a daily basis. I am generally up to my eyes in filth and have to reach my hand through about eight layers of clothes to find my phone only to find this kind of shit waiting for me.