Does a Cabin Shit in the Woods When No One is Around to See?

I have been going running for the last week, it's the first time I've done it since I lived in Dublin. I lived next to a park then so it was easier to do, as I have spent a career on my knees, running on roads is a bit dodgy for them. But needs must and I have been running around the streets of York, so if you see me running past you, red faced, clutching a MP3 player and sweating like the proverbial pig, then you know why. I'm not being chased by the Police. Not yet anyway.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! THE MARTIANS ARE COMING!!

As part of my get fit drive I have decided to go vegetarian. I am going to drive out all the toxins of my body and return it to it's temple like status when I was born. So to help you with getting fit I am going to provide some recipes for the vegetarian meals I have been preparing. I was always scared of vegetables but have found that they are a diverse and versatile food group, so I am educating you lucky readers with my discoveries.

Cheese and Onion Delight
Serves one
Preparation time less than two minutes
Ingredients:
Two slices bread (Brown or White)
One Packet Cheese and Onion Crisps
Butter or similar working class margarine spreadable substance
Method:
Open Packet of Crisps, put to one side to allow to breathe.
Spread Butter/Margarine on both slices of bread.
Lay crisps over one slice of bread.
Bring other slice of bread over the top of first slice.
Crush down with hand until top slice is flat.
Serve immediately.

Beef and Onion Delight
Serves one
Preparation time less than two minutes
Ingredients:
Two slices bread (Brown or White)
One Packet Beef and Onion Crisps (Make sure they have the 'V' symbol, if not, make the meal without them)
Butter or similar working class margarine spreadable substance
Method:
Open Packet of Crisps, put to one side to allow to breathe.
Spread Butter/Margarine on both slices of bread.
Lay crisps over one slice of bread.
Bring other slice of bread over the top of first slice.
Crush down with hand until top slice is flat.
Serve immediately.

So there you go, vegetables are your friend. Have five of those a day and you'll be as fit as me.

What a friend we have in vegetables

I went to see Cabin in the Woods the other day with Nathan. I went on He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named's recommendation. He told me he'd have given it 3. I asked him  out of what and he answered 1,000,000. My dad had also said it was the worst film since Avatard, which I thought was a bit harsh as I would genuinely rather have paving slabs dropped on my feet than sit through that pile of shit again. Strangely enough it had got really good reviews universally, so I thought they both were trying to be cool.  I have to agree with He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named's score though, even though I think he was being generous.I really cannot be bothered to break it down why it is shit, but I think ultimately it comes down to the fact that it was so self-satisfactorily smug. It was as though it was giving you cheeky little winks and nudges all the way through (ey, ey, see what I did there? Ey?)  and that just annoyed me. Cabin in the Woods? Shit in the Woods more like. Nathan liked it, but then he would, he's an idiot.

Oh! There's a massive twist at the end that you see coming before you've even walked into the theatre!